On this last day of 2021, I’m doing chores: taking down the Christmas tree that has been up since the grandkids put it up at Thanksgiving, carefully and loving packing away precious Christmas ornaments that I have collected over the years, putting ordinary everyday things back in their places now that the holidays are over.
And I’m planning my birthday. It’s not really for a few months yet, but I have to prepare. Choose a date. Make a guest list. Send out ‘save the date’ cards. You know: prepare.
Actually, I’m looking forward to the new year and this birthday. Frankly, 2021 has not been good to me. I have spent much of the year being very sick and I am tired of it. I feel slightly uneasy even mentioning this. I’ve stayed low-key because this year I have lost so many friends, acquaintances, and classmates. It seems somehow very thoughtless to complain of my own predicament while others have not survived. Yet I am still here (and thankful to be!) while their families and loved ones mourn and try to find a way forward alone.
My aunt always told me I had spunk. I can feel that spunk bubbling up now, pushing me onward, making me do things I think I cannot do, not letting me give up. All the while trying to balance that feeling of ‘getting on with it’ with my doctor’s instructions. Orders, actually, and not to be taken lightly. Sit back and relax, he says. Take it easy. Let my body continue healing. This is a hard balancing act for me. I’m impatient. I want this done.
I view 2021 as a lost year. Everything screeched to a halt. I don’t have time to waste. Yet the worst was the feeling of being completely out of control. I am a control freak and this was hard to accept; that I could not make this go away by sheer force of will. That didn’t work.
Now, as I am on the road to recovery, I am ready to take control back. I know it really is up to me to finish the healing process. Doctors can only do so much. I just have to give my body what it needs and wait as it does its magic. Because we are designed to heal. “…For you are fearfully and wonderfully made…”
2022 is going to be a better year for me and I look forward to it and its surprises. I know I can handle whatever it throws at me. I am certain of that!
I’m going to enjoy my birthday. A small, intimate group of people I love and enjoy spending time with. Friends that love me and support me and are always there when I need them. The kind of people we all need. The kind of people who help you heal…
Happy New Year, my friends! Make it a good one.
